If you have a child in the junior years (Years 7–10), you’ve likely watched your child’s friendship landscape change along the way. One week, they are inseparable from their best friend; the next, they are sitting with a completely new group. This can be confusing, and sometimes painful, for both your child and for you as a parent.

We want to assure you that this shifting of friends is a completely normal and necessary part of adolescent development. These years are all about forming an independent identity, and friendships are where that happens.  

The developmental ‘why’
In the early teenage years, young people are figuring out who they are and what they value. As their interests, morals, and identity evolve, it is natural for their peer group to change to reflect that new self.

This is a time of ‘trying on’ different identities, and different friends will tend to support different sides of a young person’s personality. They are moving away from childhood friendships often based on proximity (who lives nearby) toward meaningful friendships based on shared values, trust, and mutual understanding. The friend who was perfect in Year 6 might no longer align with the person your child is becoming in Year 9.

The positive power of change
While losing a friend can feel devastating in the moment, learning to navigate these shifts is one of the biggest lessons in resilience our young people can gain.

• Self-awareness: Managing conflict and navigating changing groups teaches young people to articulate their needs and understand the qualities they truly value in others.
• Empathy and social skills: Young people can learn how to include others, handle exclusion, and how to communicate effectively during disagreements—skills essential for their adult lives, including in the workforce.

How parents can offer support
Your role during these challenging times is to be the calm, consistent anchor while your child experiences the turbulence of their social world.

1. Validate the pain, not the drama: Acknowledge the feeling without trying to fix the situation immediately. Say, ‘That sounds incredibly hurtful’ rather than criticising the friend or rushing to mediate. Your child needs a safe space to vent and it can be unhelpful to take sides or defend the other person in that moment. Validate without making it an ‘us’ vs ‘them’ situation. 
2. Encourage diversity of connection: Encourage your child to maintain multiple, varied relationships through school clubs, sports, or hobbies. When one friendship hits a roadblock, having other connections prevents a total social collapse.
3. Focus on their contribution: Instead of asking, ‘Why is that friend being mean?’, try asking, ‘What do you want the friendship to be now?’ This shifts the focus from external blame to internal agency and empowerment.
4. Model healthy relationships: Show them how you manage conflict, maintain boundaries, and nurture your own diverse friendships. They learn more from watching you than from listening to your advice.

By supporting your child through these friendship changes, you are helping them build the emotional toolkit they need to navigate every complex relationship they will encounter in life.