Welcome back to a new school year!

While the smell of new stationery and getting back into routine may be exciting for some, it is also perfectly normal for the transition back to school to bring a few ‘butterflies’ – especially regarding friendships. After the relaxed pace of the holidays, re-entering the structured social world of school can feel daunting,  especially if there hasn’t been regular connection with friends over the holidays.  

Finding out what class students are in is often the biggest concern. The worry, ‘My best friend isn’t in my class’ can feel catastrophic to our teenagers. The main developmental challenge during this stage is around forming identity within a group and gaining a sense of belonging. Young people may fear being lonely, having nobody to sit with at lunch, or having to navigate complex new social groups while simultaneously adjusting to a new teacher(s) and routine.

If your child is expressing anxiety about the social side of returning to school, here are a few ways you can support them at home:

• Validate, don’t diminish: It’s tempting to say, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll make loads of new friends!’ Instead, try validating their feelings first: ‘It sounds really hard to not be in the same class. It’s okay to feel sad about that.’ Feeling heard lowers defensive barriers and opens up a more in depth kōrero.
• Bridge the gap: Remind them that classroom walls are not friendship barriers. Emphasise that break times, lunchtimes, and before/after school are still opportunities to connect with old friends. I often speak about having many good friends inside and outside of school as being the best survival strategy for college, as opposed to one or two best friends.
• Reframe the narrative: Help shift their focus from ‘who I lost’ to ‘who I might meet’. Frame a new class as a chance to widen their circle, not replace their existing one.  Hint: suggest this after validating how sad it is to not be in the same class as their chosen friend.
• Practise ‘small socialising’: Social skills can get rusty over the break (for adults too!). Role-play simple, low-pressure interactions. A smile and asking ‘Did you go anywhere over the holidays?’ is often enough to start a connection with a new desk-mate. Also try to set up some play dates for your younger rangatahi within the first couple of weeks back at school. 

Remember, teachers are incredibly skilled at facilitating new connections and building classroom communities in those first weeks. Most pre-school jitters settle very quickly once the routine kicks back in. 

However, if you notice your child’s anxiety is persistent, impacting their sleep or willingness to attend school beyond the first week or two, please do not hesitate to reach out to your child’s classroom teacher or our guidance counselling team. We are here to ensure a smooth and happy transition for every student.